The Fam FIVE

The year.

2011-01-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

I've been way too busy to be updating this blog. That's fine with me- the other things in my life are obviously more important. My kids, my family, my business. And on top of that, how many boring family blogs need to exist in the world? My kids did this, I cooked something boring for dinner, look at us blah blah blah. It's so antiquated. If you know us, and you're important to us, then you know what's happening in our lives. I've been using mainly facebook to update family. It's more instantaneous, it's easily changed, it's a much easier and less static way of bragging, I suppose.

Anyway, this year has brought so much into our lives. Namely, Joseph's birth. His first year has flown by, and he'll be a year old in two weeks. He's by far the most content, happiest, sweetest kid I've ever met. Let's keep our fingers crossed that those traits will continue and not be muddied by his toddler years.

Christmas is always a launching pad into the birthday month for us- Mine is January 2nd, Ella's is the 3rd, my Dad is the 4th, my sister Sarah's is the 11th, and now Joseph's is the 15th. So it's rare that we actually take a breath and revel in Christmas. But I'm vowing to do so from now on. As a kid, I hated feeling the looming birthday on Christmas morning, and even more, I hated the dreaded combined 'Birthday/Christmas present.' So here's a little bit of Christmas. And ONLY Christmas.

I can not tell you how blessed I am to have Ivan.

He's such a patient, fun, incredible father to these kids of ours. I couldn't ask for more.

The Birthday Boy.

I'll write something to him personally about how he's changed our lives, our family, and me.

These kids are so magnificent, in so many ways. Joseph was born and is now learning to walk and talk, Ella learned to swim, started reading and stared First Grade, Noah jumped into toddler-hood with both feet, and can't stop doing karate and singing and dancing.

We'll see if this blog continues for me. I'm not sure if I'll have time, with all the big things going on for us. I'm not going to say for certain that it's staying or going.

Thanks for the memories, 2010. You were the first year we spent as the Fam Five.

Well hello, 2010.

2010-01-21T22:06:00.001-08:00

Apparently, it's Fall.

2009-11-03T07:44:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while since I posted anything here. I've been pretty exhausted with this pregnancy, and chasing Noah and getting Ella to and from school have all proven to be more than a full time job. We did, however, make some time a couple weeks ago to go to the pumpkin patch. Ella loved every second, Noah wanted to just run and be free (As usual). It's getting to the point where I can't let Noah out of the stroller in public, as he knows I can't catch him and thinks it's hilarious to run and taunt me. Anyway, we had a great Halloween, with waaay too much walking, too much candy, and not enough sleep. But the kids had a blast, and I've learned that's really all these holidays are about: parents getting exhausted while kids run a muk. Ah, memories.

Anyway, I feel as though I blinked and it's November. We're waist-deep in autumn, no matter what the thermometer says, and we're running full force at Baby Day. I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it to January, as I'm as big, as tired, and as waddley (I just made that word up) as I was when I gave birth to Noah. I feel unprepared, in a physical, literal, and emotional sense. So, we'll see.

In the meantime, I'm trying to just enjoy each day, to look at the leaves of autumn rather than worry about the cold of winter.

Good news, Bad news.

2009-09-14T14:10:00.000-07:00

The Good news: Ella started Kindergarten, and all is well. She loves her class, loves school, loves having lunch at school, and I love having one kid outta the house for four hours a day.

The Bad News: She didn't let me take one picture of her on her first day. Not. One. "Mommmm, not now." "No, Mommy. don't take pictures." And because the last thing I want is to push a first-time kindergartener into a meltdown on her first day, I didn't. And I just KNOW I'm gonna be sorry.

Marching forward

2009-09-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

Whether I approve or not, my kids are growing up. Ella starts kindergarten tomorrow. And we'll have to say goodbye to that "baby" part of her. Even as she was in preschool last year, it was as if every new thing she learned, as her vocabulary expanded, as her view of the world widened, her little innocent face changed. She went from a naive baby girl to a grown, independent, young girl. And while I know I should be proud that she can spell small words, and add numbers, and understands the world in a more complex way, I just can't help but be sad to say goodbye to the baby phase of her life. After all, she's my first. My first baby. Having her changed my life, changed who I am. And to see her move on to a new phase just rips my heart out. I often want to stop time, to just stay right here, rolling around in bed on a Saturday morning watching silly cartoons with Ella laying next to me, Noah climbing all over us, and Ivan still half asleep. I feel this urgent push toward a day when my kids don't want me to kiss them in public, when they don't pick up their cell phone when I call. And I just can't handle that. Okay, maybe it's the pregnancy hormones raging through me, but it's true. How do we do this? How do we sit back and let these moments end, without a fight? How do we let the inevitable happen?

I'm not sure yet.
But I'll keep you posted.

Shameless Self Promotion

2009-08-26T08:23:00.001-07:00

Well I've launched my new photography website, so go visit it and think of me when you have any photography needs!

Intuitive Images

We're still here.

2009-08-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

I'm terrible at updating, apparently.

Turns out, with a five year old at home for summer vacation, a one year old who sleeps in our bed and can't stop nursing, and being five months pregnant, I don't get time to sit at the computer like I want to. I don't even get the dishes done. Who'da thunk?

Well, we're in full pregnancy swing over here. Mood swings, cravings, no sleep, bathroom breaks, everything. And we're also expecting... another boy. Wait, that didn't sound excited. ... ANOTHER BOOOOY!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Just typing that sentence made me tired.

I must say, as this pregnancy was a complete surprise, I've had to make an effort to really get on board with having another kid. And now, another boy? Noah has now reached the age where the differences between boys and girls are glaringly apparent. Mainly, he likes to hit things, climb things, and the word "no" means absolutely nothing to him. Toys are uninteresting- remote controls and Dad's shoes, and tools, and punching walls are all much better options than that little plastic thing with the flashing lights. Yesterday, Noah got two baths. One for a dog poop crisis, one for a paint can disaster. I won't go into details, but it was insane. And the whole time, I just kept thinking, "There are going to be TWO of these. And they're going to conspire together." I suddenly feel outnumbered and a bit helpless.

And, after that crazy day, and my exhaustion, and the multiple baths, and the cleaning a pint of brown paint off the floor and moldings, I put him to sleep. And he was quiet. And beautiful. And amazing.

And I suddenly didn't mind that he would have a little brother, a best friend. Someone to stay up and tell scary stories to, to share things with, to protect and love.

I think we'll be okay.

But I may not sleep for another couple years..... so don't make fun of my hair.

The Fam.....

2009-06-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

FIVE!!!!

... more info to come...

In this corner...

2009-05-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

Well, Noah will be a year old this Sunday. I can't even believe how fast time is flying by. And suddenly I look at him, and he's so grown up already. What happened to my little baby? When he's asleep at night, I whisper to him that he's not allowed to get any older. That he must stop growing and changing. So far, he hasn't listened.

He's not walking independently yet. But here's the thing: he actually can. He can stand alone. He can take steps alone. But when he sees where he's going, he realizes he can get there faster by just crawling, so he sits and crawls. He'll hold a hand or a finger and walk around like that, but without assistance, he just doesn't see the benefit. He'll get there. He also doesn't really see the need to eat real food, when boob is readily available. Sure, he can take a few bites of rice or chicken or veggies, but not much. Why should he, when Mom is right there??? I guess he'll get there too when he's ready. He knows what a cow says ("mmmmoooooooo"), loves pattycake (because he gets to clap and hit things), and STILL LOVES BOXING. What is it with this kid? He has an obsession with boxing, the speedbag, watching boxing on tv, watching other people hot the bag or hit the mitts. I mean, if EVER a sport was in someone's blood, it's in his. He's been obsessed since 6 months old. Ivan is so proud. and Jose Luis can't wait to start training him. All I know is, he better be good, cause if anyone messes up that face, they're gonna have to deal with ME.

Mother's Day Gift Ideas

2009-05-01T16:30:00.003-07:00

I think for this Mother's Day, I'm gonna give myself... permission to not feel guilt.

I am a good mom. Getting some of the laundry done is okay. We've never been without clean clothes to wear. My kids KNOW that I love them. Yes, I need to mop. But the sticky handprints on the walls mean that someone was having (unsupervised) fun.

No, my hair's not done. Yes, I look like I haven't slept in weeks. And no, I don't care. Why? Hear that sound? That's my kids laughing in the other room. (and the sound of a lamp crashing to the floor. but hey, there's laughter about that, too.)

I might not be the best wife. I might not be the best friend. or daughter. or sister. But when it comes to being solely responsible for someone else's life and development and happiness, that's gonna trump everything else around me. Sorry.

And each and every day, I do the little bit that I can. It's not profound, or beautiful, or grand. It's real. I really did just pick up dog poop, wipe a butt, wash everyone's hands, wash the dishes, pull a crayon out of a mouth, kiss a bump on the forehead, sing the alphabet song, nurse the baby, scream when he bit me, laugh when he laughed, apologize for not having time to read a story, re-stock the toilet paper, wipe another butt, and microwave leftovers. And every day, I struggle with the longer list of things that don't get done. The "didn't" list. And the fact that that list grows in multiples of three daily starts to chip away at my emotional stability. I can feel the tears well up sometimes. I feel my sens of humor slipping through my fingers. I can feel the sleep deprivation in my joints. I can see my unmanicured nails and unshaved legs.

But, I think for this Mother's Day, I'm going to give myself a moment to breathe, and do my best to forget about the "didn't" list for just a day.

About 10 years too early.

2009-04-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

Me: You're not really wearing that to school, are you? (about Ella's lace skirt, jelly shoes, and pearl necklace)

Ella: It's my clothes, Mommy. I can wear it if I want. (toss of hair, spin on heel, walk away with attitude.)

I am soo not prepared to raise a tiny version of me circa 1994.

Shutup, Doc Marten's with sundresses were cool then.

2009, I am not your friend.

2009-04-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

This year has started out rough.

January marked the beginning of Ivan's health issues.

February started a bevy of issues for Ella, including this, as well as a bad flu. Noah also fought that stomach flu.

March was more testing and e.r. visits for Ivan, as well as a double ear infection for Ella that required two rounds of antibiotics. We are also still fighting sinus issues for her.

Then two weeks ago, we got hit even harder. Noah started a super high fever, vomited through the night, so we took him to the e.r. at 5 am on a Saturday morning with a fever of 105. After poking him repeatedly to obtain blood samples and get an i.v. line started, they decided to admit him. His white blood cell count was 25,000. (apparently, normal level is 10-12 thousand.) He also showed signs of bronchitis on his chest xray. So we buckled down and spent three days sleeping in chairs, crying, talking to nurses, and eating hospital food. He was released on a Monday. That week, I took him for a checkup at his own doctor, who suggested that we maintain the course of liquid antibiotics prescribed by the hospital. So we did.

That was Thursday.

On Sunday, his fever spiked again. Monday it was up to 102. Another visit to the e.r. This time, we decided to go to C.H.O.C. because, of course, its reputation is impeccable, and we were starting to think something bigger was going on. We wanted to have Dr. House on speed dial. Well, apparently, everyone else had the same brilliant idea and nothing else to do on a Monday night, since all of Orange County was in that emergency room. Let's put it this way. There was a 2-hour wait and they were triage-ing people in groups of EIGHT. So we stayed for about an hour, during which Noah's fever started to come down and he started getting sleepier and fussier, and we felt no closer to seeing a doctor. So we took him home and kept an eye on him. He's been steadily getting better since then, the fever finally broke after two days of alternating Tylenol and Motrin, but he still feels sick. I can tell. And what makes it even harder is that he's such a good kid. Always smiling, always laughing. Even in the hospital. So it makes it hard to tell when something's wrong.

noah in the hospital

Anyway, we're all exhausted from the battle. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I don't know how families deal with terminally or perpetually ill children. And I saw many in the hospital. I pray every day now that we never have to experience anything worse than this, because I don't know that I can handle it.

But in that same prayer, I am always quick to thank God for every moment and every gift.

I'm ready for 2009 to get better now.

Ella Liebowitz

2009-04-02T09:50:00.001-07:00

My mom got Ella a kid's digital camera for Christmas, and I'm pretty sure it's one of the best gifts she's ever received. At first, Ella's days were filled with walking around, using the camera's built-in funny template frames to take amusing photos of people and things around the house (see below). But recently, she's changed her M.O. to taking pictures of her little brother doing something incriminating (i.e., grabbing a plant, walking into the bathroom, playing with something not intended for baby consumption) and running to me to show me the digital evidence.

I hear a *snap* in the other room, and Ella runs to me with her camera in hand, pushes a button on the back of her camera (all the while smiling like the cat that ate the annoying younger canary) and she shows me a photo of Noah doing something naughty. She then turns to me and says, "Did you see, Mommy?"

I guess tattling has made it's way into the digital era.

Some of Ella's non-incriminating photos:

.. and then I painted his nails.

2009-03-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

Ivan: Why is it that you go to the store for Baby Tylenol, and come home with hair clips, candy, a tabletop fountain, and body wash?

Me: You're such a boy.

Yes we can.

2009-03-09T10:35:00.001-07:00

Listen up.

2009-03-05T09:19:00.000-08:00

Ella's been having a hard time hearing. The ear infection has been messing her up, and I've found myself raising my voice to pretty insane levels just to get her to hear me. (Don't worry, I already have an appointment to get her hearing checked.)

I asked her to go get me one of Noah's little chew toys so I could wash it off. She nodded her head and disappeared. Five minutes later, I see Noah walking around with the toy in the tray of his walker.

I went into Ella's room and told her to try to listen better, because I actually asked her to bring the toy to me, not give it to Noah.

She just shrugged and said, "I gave it to him to give to you."

Well, hello.

2009-03-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

Ever wake up one morning and wonder where the last two months of your life went?

I just did.

Okay, so since our last update, we have accomplished the following:

1. Ella got a double ear infection, and is just now finishing her round of amoxicillin. Today was the first day she didn't gag while taking it, prompting me to bark at her like some high school wrestling coach to "suck it up" and "just do it already."

2. Noah got over the stomach flu, and now poops like a big boy. This may, in fact, be directly proportionate to the amount of big boy food he is now scarfing down, including cheese puffs, noodles, peas, crackers, and lint he finds on the floor.

3. We got a new puppy. We went with the name "Sundae" because she's white on the bottom and has brown on her head (like a hot fudge sundae...?) She's relatively more assertive than Coco, and has chased Coco away from the food more than once, which gives Coco some sort of heart attack, having never even seen another dog in her life. As far as puppies go, Sundae has so far proven to be rather calm and cuddly, we just need to work on the whole "not giving Coco a heart attack from fear" thing.

4. Ivan is doing well. He's taking his blood pressure twice a day, and his medications are all right on schedule. I have to reign him in every now and then from boxing, since the doctor hasn't cleared him for real exercise yet, but he humors me and usually takes it slow.

5. My sister, Beth, is coming out to see us in a couple weeks. She's amazing with kids, loves puppies, and really needs a break right now, so I'm hoping this trip will do her good. We'll hit up Disneyland, maybe shop a little, but mostly just hang out and play with the munchkins.

6. Home improvement. Let's keep this short. Our bathroom's still not done. Next item.

7. Unemployment extended benefits! Thank you King Obama!

okay, so I'll do better at updating here. Promise.

Meanwhile, here's a pic of Sundae:

My baby's sick.

2009-02-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

Guess what? The stomach flu is contagious!

We're battling a fever, vomit, diarrhea, and general yuckitude with Noah.

I hate to see my little boy sick.

P.S.- I can't believe he's coming close to a year old. It seems like he just got here.

Give it a whirl.

2009-02-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

So, with these bright shiny new Disneyland Annual Passes Ella and I got, I've got lots of opportunities to take photos in a place absolutely built for the visually stimulated. I've been throwing my faves on Flickr, and have gotten some good feedback. The reason I like my Disneyland photos is cause they're a little different.

It's not just the standard "castle" shot, it's the castle in a weird saturation at an unusual angle. It's not just a picture of the Dumbo ride, it's a picture of the ride's entrance displaced to look more graphic against an overly saturated sky.

Aaaaaanyway, I decided to throw my pics on Imagekind, and sell them. Imagekind is great, cause you can buy just the print, a mat and frame, different textures, even printed on an art canvas.

So, for anyone interested in Disneyland photos as art, here's your new source.

http://hapamomma.imagekind.com/

My Opus.

2009-02-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

Our bathroom is still not done.

but the floor is getting there....

Now, for my next trick....

2009-02-02T14:14:00.000-08:00

... uhhhh, I don't know ANYONE who can pull off a cape, skinny jeans, and mocassin boots.

exceeeept, Claudia Schiffer.

Touche, Claudia.

Touche.

The Toilet Bowl

2009-02-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

Super Bowl Weekend!! woo-hooooo!!!!

Wait. What's that, Ella? You want to get up four times a night and get exploding stomach pains and diarrhea??? Fun!

My poor baby's been battling this gastro crap since Friday. No school for her again today.

Worst. part. of. parenting.

The worst part of having sick kids is the helpless feeling. It's this engrained instinctual thing to want to protect them from every possible ache, pain, sickness, bad thought, papercut, etc. Trying to get my mind to remember that kids have to go through this, that we all go through it, is no easy task. It's as if every pain and tear is a personal attack on my parental self confidence. I don't really know another way to describe it. This instinct is so strong with me, this overprotective mama cub thing, that I do take it too far at times.

But right now, I don't really care. She's siiiiiick.

Gotta go check on the chicken noodle soup on the stove.

You know you're old when....

2009-02-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

.. this is how you spend Super Bowl Sunday.

To be fair, though, we did have some shrimp and veggie appetizers on the coffee table. I'm pretty sure the NFL constitutes that as a "Super Bowl Party".

Generally,

2009-02-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

I am not a fan of spring. Or patent leather. Or bright colored accessories.

But I'll be damned is these things didn't make my mouth water with desire.

btw.

2009-01-31T12:01:00.001-08:00

Have I mentioned that I love to take pictures?

http://flickr.com/photos/30912986@N06/

Circus Circus

2009-01-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

Today, I am embracing the chaotic.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself when my right eye starts to throb from looking at the dirty dishes in the sink.

This week, we are dealing with the mundane to the extreme:

1. We are laying new tile in our master bathroom. Also adding a new toilet, painting, new fixtures, and new lighting. Feels like brain surgery. We're all prepped, going moment by moment, but because my father in law is doing the heavy lifting, we're having arguments about procedure, timeframe, and recovery time.

2. Ivan went back to work today, after 2 1/2 weeks off. We're still dealing with the medications, round the clock blood pressure monitoring, and a new low fat, low cholesterol diet, but he is much improved. I'm considering banning pay-per-view boxing in an attempt to keep his blood pressure at a non-threatening level. But now, with him gone during the day again, I'm left to corral the babies alone. Even with Ivan here in a diminished physical capacity, it is always a huge help to have an extra pair of hands. Now I'm back to doing one thing at a time, which is really not the way to get shit done.

3. Ella loves school. She needs it. She dreams about it, then jumps out of bed when she realizes she gets to attend today. On weekends, the first hour of the day is spent explaining how long it will be before she can go back again. This attitude persists, regardless of my personal preference to never leave the house again and just let the internet raise her. (Packing up two kids to drop her off at school sometimes takes me an hour. Yes. An hour.)

4. The house. It's a mess. I could list the details, but I'll spare you, dear internet. Let's just say it looks like they filmed the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan in my living room. End of story.

5. Noah is pretty much ready for his first appearance on David Letterman. The kid laughs. He smiles. He responds to your questions and noises. He mimicks every single sound and word you make. He actually repeated the word "nuts" the other night. (I was referring to an American Idol contestant, so get your minds out of the gutter.) He calls me "Mama" and Ivan "Dada". Okay, I know what you're gonna say. He's supposed to do that. He's a baby. Yeah, alright. It's just such a profound thing when something you pushed out of your body just months ago starts responding to the world, and can look at you, identify you in English, and laugh at your jokes. It's like a removed mole turning around and pointing at you. But better. And less gross.

Just those 5 things alone make me tired. Someone call DR. House- I need to figure out why three cups of coffee a day aren't enough......

The short version.

2009-01-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

So here's the update. I don't have too much time to go into details, as Ivan needs his meds, Ella is hungry, and Noah is slamming into walls in his walker, but let's try and recap.

Last Monday, Ivan started experiencing chest pains at work. We rushed him to the E.R., where they took an ekg. It was abnormal. His heart rate was hovering around 115 bpm. Normal heart rate is 60-90. They waited 4 hours, and re-took it along with a second set of bloodwork. The ekg was abnormal again, so they assumed that it was just Ivan's normal baseline ekg. Since we know nothing about ekgs, we believed them. Even with his heart rate high throughout sedation and 5 hours in the E.R., they released him. Luckily, my grandmother works in the office of the South Bay's best cardiologist, Dr. T.K. Lin. He helped my grandfather through a triple bypass surgery in the 70's, and through every illness up until his death in 2003. Dr. Lin's been our family cardiologist for over 30 years, and we made an appointment to see him the next day.

Later that night, after returning home, Ivan started getting more pain in his chest. At 11:00 that night, I took him to our local E.R. After another ekg and vitals monitoring, everything seemed normal. So, rather than go through invasive testing in the E.R., we opted to just wait to see Dr. Lin in the morning.

Just a few notes about Dr. Lin. He's a hardass. In the purest sense of the word. He yells at nurses who don't jump when he says jump. He laughs at other doctor's diagnoses when they are wrong. He will tell you exactly what he thinks, even if it hurts your feelings, then tell you to leave. We love him.

So, at his office, when looking at the first E.R.'s ekg, he got a look of disgust on his face, and proceeded to tell us how most people don't know how to take an ekg. We got a full lecture about why people are trained wrong, that they put the electrodes on the wrong place on the body, not "smart enough" to figure out the correct positioning. So he ran another ekg. Then he put Ivan on the treadmill for a stress test. Immediately, Ivan got a pain, and the ekg spiked. Or plummeted. Whichever one it's NOT supposed to do. He flunked it.

Seeing this, Dr. Lin ordered us to go straight to the hospital, to get bloodwork and an echocardiogram done. Now, because we had both kids with us, and no babysitter, we started scrambling. My grandma called the hospital and got us a 3:00 pm echo appointment.

At 1:45, Dr. Lin called my cell phone and asked me why we weren't done yet. Yeah. He's like THAT.

So, we did the bloodwork and the echo, both normal. We found that Ivan's cholesterol was out of sight. His LDL levels were ridiculously high. But everything else was normal.

Dr. Lin sat us down and explained that he wanted to schedule Ivan for an angiogram. An angiogram is a procedure that maps the heart, looking for artery damage, narrowing, or abnormality. They insert a catheter into the artery in your groin, and thread it into your heart, then shoot a dye into your heart. A live xray video is taken, showing the bloodflow and beating of your heart. It's invasive. And scary. And the thought of it scared the shit out of us.

Dr. Lin admitted Ivan to the hospital. Well, the hospital was full, so we had to be admitted through the E.R. Which was full. Which meant we would have to wait for hours just to get a bed in the E.R., then hope for a bed upstairs. Dr. Lin walked us through the E.R. and barked at nurses and the head of the E.R. till we got a bed. A bed in the hallway. Which was full of other patients in beds. When we got a bed at 10:00 pm, there were patients in the E.R. waiting room who had been there for SIX HOURS. And hadn't even been seen. Thank you for being a hardass, Dr. Lin.

So, Ivan spent the night in the E.R., and after a few chest pain episodes and some nitroglycerine, he finally got some sleep. And I ran back and forth between his E.R. bed and my dad's, where the kids were sleeping. I'm still nursing Noah, so being away from him for any length of time can be tough. Ivan finally got assigned to a shared room upstairs around 3 in the morning, and I fell asleep next to him in the hospital bed. (We found out later that they never let anyone stay in the room with patients, let alone in the bed. Oh well. I didn't ask permission.) WE knew the angiogram was scheduled around 11 am, so at 7 am, I woke and left to go check on the kids. As I was driving, Ivan called me and told me that they were wheeling him into the angio now! What!??! Wait!!! I have to kiss you! I have to tell you I love you and that it's gonna be alright! Dammit.

Apparently, Dr. Lin pulled more strings and wanted to get it done early.

So I rushed back.

The angio went great, everything looked fine. No narrowing, no heart damage or issues, everything looked beautiful.

Which was good.

and bad.

We didn't know what the problem was now. If it's not cardiovascular disease or artery buildup, what was it?

Dr. Lin put Ivan on a bunch of meds, including a cholesterol medication and a heart spasm prevention med, and wanted to keep him in the hospital for observation overnight.

More running back and forth for me. Kids, hospital. Kids, hospital. Kids, hospital.

On Thursday, Dr. Lin came in and ordered another ekg. Apparently, the one they did that morning was not sufficient. Now, I dobn't think I can even describe in words the hilarity of the scene that followed. Dr. Lin literally yelled at the ekg tech, smacked her hand away from Ivan's chest, and proceeded to spend 25 minutes TEACHING her how to put the electrodes on correctly. I've never seen anything like it. And I'm pretty sure the ekg tech cried when she left the room. But, everything looked normal enough to release Ivan, so we checked out, with strict orders to go straight to Dr. Lin's office. Of course. We got medications. And medications. And orders. And medications. And Ivan was put on a 24-hour monitor. Meaning, he got more electrodes taped to his chest, which fed into a monitor he had to wear around his neck for 24 hours straight. The readings of which would be decifered by the doctor later.

I'll try to cut the rest short.

We had a little scare, popped some nitroglycerine, rested, drove the kids back and forth, scrambled for more babysitting, ended up sleeping at my dad's in Carson (to be closer to the hospital), then got the monitor off the next day. We're waiting for the specific results.

Ivan's now on 5 daily medications, with two more meds here for him as needed. I've been caring for the kids and him, we've switched our entire diet to low-fat, low-cholesterol, high fiber. Ivan's off work and resting till next week. So, for now, Dr. Lin believes that Ivan's problem stems from intermittent heart spasms, which he's likely had for a while, but ignored. It's incredibly lucky we caught it now. It could be alot worse. And his cholesterol levels could have been a precursor to an even more serious cardiac issue. But we're home now.

And we're all exhausted.

But we're so grateful that he's okay. And he's here. And we have each other.

I learned alot of things in this past week. Like how to keep a medical journal. And that stress can affect breastmilk. And that I don't ever want to face the possibility of not having Ivan with me. And that this family is the only thing that matters.

Believe it or not, that really is the short version.

The best part of my day.

2009-01-08T14:15:00.000-08:00

So, this stay at home mom thing takes getting used to. Specifically, transitioning to the mindset of approaching home like a jobsite. Most of the time, I am still just content to play with the kids, take Ella to school, putz around on the computer, give Noah a nap and a meal, pick up Ella, and that's the entire day. Gone. Every once in a while, I'll get a burst of caffeine energy and do a couple loads of laundry or a load of dishes, pick a few toys and clothes up, but that's the extent of my housekeeping. And I see all these other stay at home moms who run websites, sew clothing, bake cakes, and I don't know how. I don't know how they do it. What's worse, I don't really get why they want to do it. But somehow, because I don't, can't, or don't want to, I am starting to feel pretty inadequate. In my head, I have time and energy to make crafts, make the beds, bake sweets, breastfeed, fold the laundry, and scrub the tub all while caring for my 7 month old and getting my five year old to school and back home. In reality, I'm lucky to get a load of laundry in the washing machine, where it sits for a day or two, and throw a microwave dinner in my mouth around lunchtime. I don't get it. Where do these other women find the hours???

And yet, amidst the chaos and day to day chores, there is inevitably a moment. One moment when nothing else exists, and I see something like this:

And, just for a second, I don't care about the dirty dishes in the sink, I don't feel the lego poking into the bottom of my foot, and I don't mind the smell of the trash that no one took out last night.

I just see him.

Uh Oh.

2008-12-30T20:07:00.000-08:00

He's mimicking.

Next comes mocking.

.. and a Happy New Beer...

2008-12-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

So, Christmas whizzed by in a blur. Ella got every pink, Princess, sequined, glittery, feathery, girly toy, accessory, and clothing piece known to man, including a "Little Mommy Have to go" doll. She has been begging for this atrocious thing ALL. YEAR. LONG. And I said no. It's a doll that you put on the toilet, and the toilet flips over to reveal.. plastic human feces. You flush the little fake handle, and it flips back over to sparkly blue-looking "water". Now, I'm not sure what sort of sick and twisted R & D executive gave this thing the green light, but I really hope whoever they are, they got caught in the most recent round of layoffs. Because this thing is insane. You may as well design a tween doll that simulates getting her first period. I mean, think of the accessory packs you could sell separately! Genius!! Anywho, my four year old daughter, who is already potty trained, has been asking for this offensive bathroom denizen all year. Not just asking, but telling her teachers that all she wants for Christmas is this doll. Telling people she sees on the street that Santa is bringing her one. Telling me that if she didn't get it on Christmas morning, she would cry. Good thing she's not dramatic. So, I gave in. Sorta. I refused to buy it, but I allowed her grandmother to buy it for her. Which meant it would be at her house on Christmas morning, not here, at home, where SANTA came. So, after all the presents were unwrapped, presents which included such extravagant items as a kid's digital camera, a Dora train set, Barbies, My Little Ponies, and much, much more, she looked at me with her best pout and said, "where's the last one?" We explained, of course, that there were more presents awaiting her at Nana's house. And, boooooy, let me tell you. We may as well have wrapped up dental floss and socks for her here, cause everything she just opened took on a coal-singed, foul-smelling tinge once she understood that her Little Mommy Have To Go Doll was at Nana's. Later, Santa! I'm going to get my REAL toy!!!

So, other than Ella's beating heart leaping out of her chest when she unwrapped her amaaazing doll, Christmas was pretty uneventful. Lovely, kid-centered, and uneventful. Just the way we like it.

Now we're inching toward New Year's, my 28th birthday, and Ella's 5th birthday. And Ella's birthday is starting to give me heart palpitations. Not because she's expecting a party, or that we haven't even begun to plan something, but because this means she is FIVE. FIVE. YEARS. OLD. I can't even really wrap my brian around it. Ivan and I talk often about how it feels like she was a baby just yesterday. So, when she uses logic and symantics to trick us and get her way, we're all that much more impressed and astounded. And once she's five, that means it will be mere months before Noah is a year old. I swear to you, I can still smell the hospital room where he was born. It feels that recent.

So, in conjunction with my budding photography interest, I guess my New Year's resolution is to document and do everything I can to remember and preserve every moment. (Watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button sure didn't help this "time slipping through my fingers" feeling, either.) But, hopefully, one day soon, when I forget what Noah's baby neck smells like, and they have both decided to hate us because we make them wear jackets, we can look back at photos of this year and smile. And cry.

But, mostly smile.

This Silent Night

2008-12-24T11:13:00.000-08:00

Noah's first Christmas.

Let's hope for sleeping in heavenly peace....

CatDog

2008-12-01T15:20:00.000-08:00

Everyone's all, "Ew, you have a chihuahua?" "What a little rat dog." "Why don't you get a real dog?"

And then they see this:

And we're writing down directions to the shelter where we got her.

Oh, Coco. You sleepy, silent, nocturnal, prancing little bundle of snuggles. What would Ella do without you?

Sisterhood of the Travelling Pies

2008-11-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

Well, it's time for an update, I suppose.

This past weekend, my mom, my sister Beth, and my grandmother came out to celebrate my grandma's 75th birthday with us here on the West Coast. My mom brought a homemade chocolate pecan pie and actual moonshine. Youbetcha! We began our weekend of celebration with Halloween night at Disney's California Adventure. Now, let me throw out a disclaimer here. We live only blocks from Disneyland, yet we don't go more than once or twice a year. This is due to many factors, including such gems as: 1. We don't have $300 per person for season passes. 2. Even if we did, we would feel dirty and ashamed for giving it to such a financially bloated corporation. and 3. If I hear the Its A Small World theme song more than once a year, blood begins to drip from my ears.

Anyhow, we figured with out of town family, the first time since Baby Noah's arrival, it being Halloween and all, we'd give it a shot. And I will say this: It wasn't terrible. Maaaaaybe a bad decision to bring a five month old baby to a theme park for an all-nighter, (Ivan was not thrilled about the fussiness, lack of sleep, and having to rock baby to sleep in his arms in the middle of Bug's Life Land) and probably too much walking for most 74 year olds. But it was a special occasion, and Ella loved every second of it.

Ella and Grandma on King Triton's Carousel:

Oh, yes, the costume. Let's address this, shall we? Months ago, and I do mean MONTHS ago, Ella announced very decidedly that she was going to be Hannah Montana for Halloween. I was shocked. First of all, the chick is four. Not eleven. Also, she has dreams of Disney Princesses, a Princess toothbrush, t-shirts, and all things Princess. She has been a Princess the last three Halloweens of her life. (The only Halloween she wasn't a Princess was her first, when I decided she was a cow. Totally embarassing for her now, as you can imagine. Princesses are NOT cows.) So, we went weeks battling the Hannah Montana front. I gave her other suggestions, I even paraded her into the Disney store, where I thought my flesh would burn, to show her the amazing princess options at her disposal. No go. So I dropped some money and bought the Hannah Montana shirt, leggings, microphone, and even the dreaded blonde wig. She was ecstatic. Until she saw, in Big Lots, of all places, a generic Princess costume with a HOOP. SKIRT. ...... Mommy. Why didn't you tell me there were skirts like THIS????

So, in an effort to push off teenagedom for at least another year, I caved and bought the HOOP. SKIRT. She never looked back.

So, that's THAT.

Did I mention she talked me into being a pirate? Maaan. But, that's a blog of a different color....

So, there we were, a trick-or-treating Disney family. Pirate, Princess, Grinch, and Baby stroller.

I'm sure it'll be one of her earliest memories. I hope it'll be remembered fondly.

After Halloween, we had a lovely lunch with everyone and my Uncle John from Santa Barbara, who met us in Long Beach. As we got out of the car at the restaurant, Ivan gave me one of his "This is NOT a good idea" look as it started to pour rain on the open stroller and us as we ran inside. We anticipated a screaming baby and angry looks from restaurant patrons, but ended up with this:

Apparently, my sister Beth has some sort of magical baby-calming powers.

After lunch was the Aquarium, and a peaceful dinner. Brunch the next morning with four generations of women, and that was that. Now, my grandma proceeds to Santa Barbara, where she will paraglide off the highest cliff in the county in order to cross it off her Bucket List.

I hope Crazy's not genetic....

Snack Time w Mama

2008-10-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

The other day, I came across the news that Mother's Cookies is going out of business. Pretty sad, considering every kid in America has some childhood memory with these guys, whether it be the pink and white animal cookies, the Iced Oatmeals, you name it. So, I read the article about it, and I've been craving these little guys ever since. I resisted the urge to stockpile in the wake of the company's annoucement, and only bought one bag.

So today after school Ella and I sat down to milk and cookies. Cookies by Mother's, glass provided by McDonald's of Hawaii, and given to me by my own mother when I got my first apartment.

So, let's recap.

Ella and her mom, eating milk and cookies (an American mom's after-school tradition), cookies by Mother's cookies, drinking from glasses from my mother to me.

Someone start the Twilight Zone music.

Note to Self:

2008-10-16T13:51:00.001-07:00

Before freaking out and calling the doctor becuase of horriffic findings in baby's diaper, try to remember that you fed him carrots less than 24 hours ago.

Sorry, Dr. Chen.

Bill me.

Orange Hill

2008-10-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been in a "my-life-is-about-everyone-else-first-but-no-one-cares-about-me" funk. That is the clinical term, by the way. Also known as "Mother of Two syndrome". And sensing this, in addition to listening to me scream it at the top of my lungs while standing on the toilet seat and shaking a jug of fabric softener, Ivan surprised me with a beautiful brunch at Orange Hill Restaurant. Ivan's not big on surprises, but he pulled this one off beautifully, and it was EXACTLY what I needed to maintain sanity.

The brunch buffet included such offerings as lamb osso bucco, king crab legs, a sushi station, an omelette station, breakfast fare, stir fry station, dessert bar, mochas with fresh cream, it was a stunning spread. And, considering my usual lunch of Grab Anything While Baby Sleeps, it was a hell of a recharge, culinarily speaking.

Not to mention the fact that it's on a hill (duh), and has the most stunning views of Orange County. That may sound like an oxymoron, but it really was beautiful.

Here's proof.

Sometimes that guy surprises me.

And I forget that I just picked up his underwear out of the bathroom for the fifth time this week.

A little dinner conversation.

2008-10-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

Me: Ivan, you like Shephard's pie, right?

Ivan: I looooove shephard's pie. Almost as much as I love that waiter with a lisp at Orange Hill restaurant.

Me: Okaaaaay. Ella, do you like shephard's pie?

Ella: I looooove pie. What's a shephard?

Me: A man. Who watches sheep.

Ella: (looong pause....) Can I have a turkey and mayo sandwich?

She ate the potatoes from the top and left the rest.

Numero Uno

2008-10-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally climbed onboard the technology train. We're gonna give this blog thing a shot, and see where it goes. I figure, it'll at least be a good, centralized spot to archive and to share all our pictures and day to day stories as a family.

So, let's catch up, shall we?

There is too much. Let me sum up.

Ella is four years old. She just started preschool, learned to read and write her name in the first week, and loves every single minute of it. She loves broccoli, dancing, the musical Wicked, and her liddle brudder. She looks like this:

Noah is almost five months old. He loves breastmilk, the color red, bathtime, and pooping on a regular basis. He can sit up straight, grab his toys, and will smile at anyone who will smile back. He looks like this:

Except when I'm making him pose for pictures instead of feeding him, in which case, he looks like this:

Either way, we think he's pretty cute.

Ivan's working too hard, as usual, playing softball once a week, and generally being Dad of the Year. I think he's got the competition wrapped up, considering he changed every one of Noah's diapers for the first two weeks of his life.

Ivan looks like this:

(pretty pensive, eh?)

And, as for me, I've been doing this stay at home mom thing since March, and I have my good days and my bad days. It is, without a doubt, the hardest job I've ever had, but (caution- cliche ahead) also the most rewarding. I wouldn't trade these days of being with the kids for anything. I'm absolutely sure that I'm learning more from them than the other way around.

I pretty much look like this:

Anyhow, this concludes the update summation. Thanks for tuning in.

See you next entry.