Good news, Bad news.

The Good news: Ella started Kindergarten, and all is well. She loves her class, loves school, loves having lunch at school, and I love having one kid outta the house for four hours a day.

The Bad News: She didn't let me take one picture of her on her first day. Not. One. "Mommmm, not now." "No, Mommy. don't take pictures." And because the last thing I want is to push a first-time kindergartener into a meltdown on her first day, I didn't. And I just KNOW I'm gonna be sorry.

Marching forward

Whether I approve or not, my kids are growing up. Ella starts kindergarten tomorrow. And we'll have to say goodbye to that "baby" part of her. Even as she was in preschool last year, it was as if every new thing she learned, as her vocabulary expanded, as her view of the world widened, her little innocent face changed. She went from a naive baby girl to a grown, independent, young girl. And while I know I should be proud that she can spell small words, and add numbers, and understands the world in a more complex way, I just can't help but be sad to say goodbye to the baby phase of her life. After all, she's my first. My first baby. Having her changed my life, changed who I am. And to see her move on to a new phase just rips my heart out. I often want to stop time, to just stay right here, rolling around in bed on a Saturday morning watching silly cartoons with Ella laying next to me, Noah climbing all over us, and Ivan still half asleep. I feel this urgent push toward a day when my kids don't want me to kiss them in public, when they don't pick up their cell phone when I call. And I just can't handle that. Okay, maybe it's the pregnancy hormones raging through me, but it's true. How do we do this? How do we sit back and let these moments end, without a fight? How do we let the inevitable happen?

I'm not sure yet.
But I'll keep you posted.