I think for this Mother's Day, I'm gonna give myself... permission to not feel guilt.
I am a good mom. Getting some of the laundry done is okay. We've never been without clean clothes to wear. My kids KNOW that I love them. Yes, I need to mop. But the sticky handprints on the walls mean that someone was having (unsupervised) fun.
No, my hair's not done. Yes, I look like I haven't slept in weeks. And no, I don't care. Why? Hear that sound? That's my kids laughing in the other room. (and the sound of a lamp crashing to the floor. but hey, there's laughter about that, too.)
I might not be the best wife. I might not be the best friend. or daughter. or sister. But when it comes to being solely responsible for someone else's life and development and happiness, that's gonna trump everything else around me. Sorry.
And each and every day, I do the little bit that I can. It's not profound, or beautiful, or grand. It's real. I really did just pick up dog poop, wipe a butt, wash everyone's hands, wash the dishes, pull a crayon out of a mouth, kiss a bump on the forehead, sing the alphabet song, nurse the baby, scream when he bit me, laugh when he laughed, apologize for not having time to read a story, re-stock the toilet paper, wipe another butt, and microwave leftovers. And every day, I struggle with the longer list of things that don't get done. The "didn't" list. And the fact that that list grows in multiples of three daily starts to chip away at my emotional stability. I can feel the tears well up sometimes. I feel my sens of humor slipping through my fingers. I can feel the sleep deprivation in my joints. I can see my unmanicured nails and unshaved legs.
But, I think for this Mother's Day, I'm going to give myself a moment to breathe, and do my best to forget about the "didn't" list for just a day.
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