Have I mentioned that I love to take pictures?
http://flickr.com/photos/30912986@N06/
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Circus Circus
Today, I am embracing the chaotic.
At least, that's what I keep telling myself when my right eye starts to throb from looking at the dirty dishes in the sink.
This week, we are dealing with the mundane to the extreme:
1. We are laying new tile in our master bathroom. Also adding a new toilet, painting, new fixtures, and new lighting. Feels like brain surgery. We're all prepped, going moment by moment, but because my father in law is doing the heavy lifting, we're having arguments about procedure, timeframe, and recovery time.
2. Ivan went back to work today, after 2 1/2 weeks off. We're still dealing with the medications, round the clock blood pressure monitoring, and a new low fat, low cholesterol diet, but he is much improved. I'm considering banning pay-per-view boxing in an attempt to keep his blood pressure at a non-threatening level. But now, with him gone during the day again, I'm left to corral the babies alone. Even with Ivan here in a diminished physical capacity, it is always a huge help to have an extra pair of hands. Now I'm back to doing one thing at a time, which is really not the way to get shit done.
3. Ella loves school. She needs it. She dreams about it, then jumps out of bed when she realizes she gets to attend today. On weekends, the first hour of the day is spent explaining how long it will be before she can go back again. This attitude persists, regardless of my personal preference to never leave the house again and just let the internet raise her. (Packing up two kids to drop her off at school sometimes takes me an hour. Yes. An hour.)
4. The house. It's a mess. I could list the details, but I'll spare you, dear internet. Let's just say it looks like they filmed the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan in my living room. End of story.
5. Noah is pretty much ready for his first appearance on David Letterman. The kid laughs. He smiles. He responds to your questions and noises. He mimicks every single sound and word you make. He actually repeated the word "nuts" the other night. (I was referring to an American Idol contestant, so get your minds out of the gutter.) He calls me "Mama" and Ivan "Dada". Okay, I know what you're gonna say. He's supposed to do that. He's a baby. Yeah, alright. It's just such a profound thing when something you pushed out of your body just months ago starts responding to the world, and can look at you, identify you in English, and laugh at your jokes. It's like a removed mole turning around and pointing at you. But better. And less gross.
At least, that's what I keep telling myself when my right eye starts to throb from looking at the dirty dishes in the sink.
This week, we are dealing with the mundane to the extreme:
1. We are laying new tile in our master bathroom. Also adding a new toilet, painting, new fixtures, and new lighting. Feels like brain surgery. We're all prepped, going moment by moment, but because my father in law is doing the heavy lifting, we're having arguments about procedure, timeframe, and recovery time.
2. Ivan went back to work today, after 2 1/2 weeks off. We're still dealing with the medications, round the clock blood pressure monitoring, and a new low fat, low cholesterol diet, but he is much improved. I'm considering banning pay-per-view boxing in an attempt to keep his blood pressure at a non-threatening level. But now, with him gone during the day again, I'm left to corral the babies alone. Even with Ivan here in a diminished physical capacity, it is always a huge help to have an extra pair of hands. Now I'm back to doing one thing at a time, which is really not the way to get shit done.
3. Ella loves school. She needs it. She dreams about it, then jumps out of bed when she realizes she gets to attend today. On weekends, the first hour of the day is spent explaining how long it will be before she can go back again. This attitude persists, regardless of my personal preference to never leave the house again and just let the internet raise her. (Packing up two kids to drop her off at school sometimes takes me an hour. Yes. An hour.)
4. The house. It's a mess. I could list the details, but I'll spare you, dear internet. Let's just say it looks like they filmed the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan in my living room. End of story.
5. Noah is pretty much ready for his first appearance on David Letterman. The kid laughs. He smiles. He responds to your questions and noises. He mimicks every single sound and word you make. He actually repeated the word "nuts" the other night. (I was referring to an American Idol contestant, so get your minds out of the gutter.) He calls me "Mama" and Ivan "Dada". Okay, I know what you're gonna say. He's supposed to do that. He's a baby. Yeah, alright. It's just such a profound thing when something you pushed out of your body just months ago starts responding to the world, and can look at you, identify you in English, and laugh at your jokes. It's like a removed mole turning around and pointing at you. But better. And less gross.
Just those 5 things alone make me tired. Someone call DR. House- I need to figure out why three cups of coffee a day aren't enough......
Monday, January 19, 2009
The short version.
So here's the update. I don't have too much time to go into details, as Ivan needs his meds, Ella is hungry, and Noah is slamming into walls in his walker, but let's try and recap.
Last Monday, Ivan started experiencing chest pains at work. We rushed him to the E.R., where they took an ekg. It was abnormal. His heart rate was hovering around 115 bpm. Normal heart rate is 60-90. They waited 4 hours, and re-took it along with a second set of bloodwork. The ekg was abnormal again, so they assumed that it was just Ivan's normal baseline ekg. Since we know nothing about ekgs, we believed them. Even with his heart rate high throughout sedation and 5 hours in the E.R., they released him. Luckily, my grandmother works in the office of the South Bay's best cardiologist, Dr. T.K. Lin. He helped my grandfather through a triple bypass surgery in the 70's, and through every illness up until his death in 2003. Dr. Lin's been our family cardiologist for over 30 years, and we made an appointment to see him the next day.
Later that night, after returning home, Ivan started getting more pain in his chest. At 11:00 that night, I took him to our local E.R. After another ekg and vitals monitoring, everything seemed normal. So, rather than go through invasive testing in the E.R., we opted to just wait to see Dr. Lin in the morning.
Just a few notes about Dr. Lin. He's a hardass. In the purest sense of the word. He yells at nurses who don't jump when he says jump. He laughs at other doctor's diagnoses when they are wrong. He will tell you exactly what he thinks, even if it hurts your feelings, then tell you to leave. We love him.
So, at his office, when looking at the first E.R.'s ekg, he got a look of disgust on his face, and proceeded to tell us how most people don't know how to take an ekg. We got a full lecture about why people are trained wrong, that they put the electrodes on the wrong place on the body, not "smart enough" to figure out the correct positioning. So he ran another ekg. Then he put Ivan on the treadmill for a stress test. Immediately, Ivan got a pain, and the ekg spiked. Or plummeted. Whichever one it's NOT supposed to do. He flunked it.
Seeing this, Dr. Lin ordered us to go straight to the hospital, to get bloodwork and an echocardiogram done. Now, because we had both kids with us, and no babysitter, we started scrambling. My grandma called the hospital and got us a 3:00 pm echo appointment.
At 1:45, Dr. Lin called my cell phone and asked me why we weren't done yet. Yeah. He's like THAT.
So, we did the bloodwork and the echo, both normal. We found that Ivan's cholesterol was out of sight. His LDL levels were ridiculously high. But everything else was normal.
Dr. Lin sat us down and explained that he wanted to schedule Ivan for an angiogram. An angiogram is a procedure that maps the heart, looking for artery damage, narrowing, or abnormality. They insert a catheter into the artery in your groin, and thread it into your heart, then shoot a dye into your heart. A live xray video is taken, showing the bloodflow and beating of your heart. It's invasive. And scary. And the thought of it scared the shit out of us.
Dr. Lin admitted Ivan to the hospital. Well, the hospital was full, so we had to be admitted through the E.R. Which was full. Which meant we would have to wait for hours just to get a bed in the E.R., then hope for a bed upstairs. Dr. Lin walked us through the E.R. and barked at nurses and the head of the E.R. till we got a bed. A bed in the hallway. Which was full of other patients in beds. When we got a bed at 10:00 pm, there were patients in the E.R. waiting room who had been there for SIX HOURS. And hadn't even been seen. Thank you for being a hardass, Dr. Lin.
So, Ivan spent the night in the E.R., and after a few chest pain episodes and some nitroglycerine, he finally got some sleep. And I ran back and forth between his E.R. bed and my dad's, where the kids were sleeping. I'm still nursing Noah, so being away from him for any length of time can be tough. Ivan finally got assigned to a shared room upstairs around 3 in the morning, and I fell asleep next to him in the hospital bed. (We found out later that they never let anyone stay in the room with patients, let alone in the bed. Oh well. I didn't ask permission.) WE knew the angiogram was scheduled around 11 am, so at 7 am, I woke and left to go check on the kids. As I was driving, Ivan called me and told me that they were wheeling him into the angio now! What!??! Wait!!! I have to kiss you! I have to tell you I love you and that it's gonna be alright! Dammit.
Apparently, Dr. Lin pulled more strings and wanted to get it done early.
So I rushed back.
The angio went great, everything looked fine. No narrowing, no heart damage or issues, everything looked beautiful.
Which was good.
and bad.
We didn't know what the problem was now. If it's not cardiovascular disease or artery buildup, what was it?
Dr. Lin put Ivan on a bunch of meds, including a cholesterol medication and a heart spasm prevention med, and wanted to keep him in the hospital for observation overnight.
More running back and forth for me. Kids, hospital. Kids, hospital. Kids, hospital.
On Thursday, Dr. Lin came in and ordered another ekg. Apparently, the one they did that morning was not sufficient. Now, I dobn't think I can even describe in words the hilarity of the scene that followed. Dr. Lin literally yelled at the ekg tech, smacked her hand away from Ivan's chest, and proceeded to spend 25 minutes TEACHING her how to put the electrodes on correctly. I've never seen anything like it. And I'm pretty sure the ekg tech cried when she left the room. But, everything looked normal enough to release Ivan, so we checked out, with strict orders to go straight to Dr. Lin's office. Of course. We got medications. And medications. And orders. And medications. And Ivan was put on a 24-hour monitor. Meaning, he got more electrodes taped to his chest, which fed into a monitor he had to wear around his neck for 24 hours straight. The readings of which would be decifered by the doctor later.
I'll try to cut the rest short.
We had a little scare, popped some nitroglycerine, rested, drove the kids back and forth, scrambled for more babysitting, ended up sleeping at my dad's in Carson (to be closer to the hospital), then got the monitor off the next day. We're waiting for the specific results.
Ivan's now on 5 daily medications, with two more meds here for him as needed. I've been caring for the kids and him, we've switched our entire diet to low-fat, low-cholesterol, high fiber. Ivan's off work and resting till next week. So, for now, Dr. Lin believes that Ivan's problem stems from intermittent heart spasms, which he's likely had for a while, but ignored. It's incredibly lucky we caught it now. It could be alot worse. And his cholesterol levels could have been a precursor to an even more serious cardiac issue. But we're home now.
And we're all exhausted.
But we're so grateful that he's okay. And he's here. And we have each other.
I learned alot of things in this past week. Like how to keep a medical journal. And that stress can affect breastmilk. And that I don't ever want to face the possibility of not having Ivan with me. And that this family is the only thing that matters.
Believe it or not, that really is the short version.
Last Monday, Ivan started experiencing chest pains at work. We rushed him to the E.R., where they took an ekg. It was abnormal. His heart rate was hovering around 115 bpm. Normal heart rate is 60-90. They waited 4 hours, and re-took it along with a second set of bloodwork. The ekg was abnormal again, so they assumed that it was just Ivan's normal baseline ekg. Since we know nothing about ekgs, we believed them. Even with his heart rate high throughout sedation and 5 hours in the E.R., they released him. Luckily, my grandmother works in the office of the South Bay's best cardiologist, Dr. T.K. Lin. He helped my grandfather through a triple bypass surgery in the 70's, and through every illness up until his death in 2003. Dr. Lin's been our family cardiologist for over 30 years, and we made an appointment to see him the next day.
Later that night, after returning home, Ivan started getting more pain in his chest. At 11:00 that night, I took him to our local E.R. After another ekg and vitals monitoring, everything seemed normal. So, rather than go through invasive testing in the E.R., we opted to just wait to see Dr. Lin in the morning.
Just a few notes about Dr. Lin. He's a hardass. In the purest sense of the word. He yells at nurses who don't jump when he says jump. He laughs at other doctor's diagnoses when they are wrong. He will tell you exactly what he thinks, even if it hurts your feelings, then tell you to leave. We love him.
So, at his office, when looking at the first E.R.'s ekg, he got a look of disgust on his face, and proceeded to tell us how most people don't know how to take an ekg. We got a full lecture about why people are trained wrong, that they put the electrodes on the wrong place on the body, not "smart enough" to figure out the correct positioning. So he ran another ekg. Then he put Ivan on the treadmill for a stress test. Immediately, Ivan got a pain, and the ekg spiked. Or plummeted. Whichever one it's NOT supposed to do. He flunked it.
Seeing this, Dr. Lin ordered us to go straight to the hospital, to get bloodwork and an echocardiogram done. Now, because we had both kids with us, and no babysitter, we started scrambling. My grandma called the hospital and got us a 3:00 pm echo appointment.
At 1:45, Dr. Lin called my cell phone and asked me why we weren't done yet. Yeah. He's like THAT.
So, we did the bloodwork and the echo, both normal. We found that Ivan's cholesterol was out of sight. His LDL levels were ridiculously high. But everything else was normal.
Dr. Lin sat us down and explained that he wanted to schedule Ivan for an angiogram. An angiogram is a procedure that maps the heart, looking for artery damage, narrowing, or abnormality. They insert a catheter into the artery in your groin, and thread it into your heart, then shoot a dye into your heart. A live xray video is taken, showing the bloodflow and beating of your heart. It's invasive. And scary. And the thought of it scared the shit out of us.
Dr. Lin admitted Ivan to the hospital. Well, the hospital was full, so we had to be admitted through the E.R. Which was full. Which meant we would have to wait for hours just to get a bed in the E.R., then hope for a bed upstairs. Dr. Lin walked us through the E.R. and barked at nurses and the head of the E.R. till we got a bed. A bed in the hallway. Which was full of other patients in beds. When we got a bed at 10:00 pm, there were patients in the E.R. waiting room who had been there for SIX HOURS. And hadn't even been seen. Thank you for being a hardass, Dr. Lin.
So, Ivan spent the night in the E.R., and after a few chest pain episodes and some nitroglycerine, he finally got some sleep. And I ran back and forth between his E.R. bed and my dad's, where the kids were sleeping. I'm still nursing Noah, so being away from him for any length of time can be tough. Ivan finally got assigned to a shared room upstairs around 3 in the morning, and I fell asleep next to him in the hospital bed. (We found out later that they never let anyone stay in the room with patients, let alone in the bed. Oh well. I didn't ask permission.) WE knew the angiogram was scheduled around 11 am, so at 7 am, I woke and left to go check on the kids. As I was driving, Ivan called me and told me that they were wheeling him into the angio now! What!??! Wait!!! I have to kiss you! I have to tell you I love you and that it's gonna be alright! Dammit.
Apparently, Dr. Lin pulled more strings and wanted to get it done early.
So I rushed back.
The angio went great, everything looked fine. No narrowing, no heart damage or issues, everything looked beautiful.
Which was good.
and bad.
We didn't know what the problem was now. If it's not cardiovascular disease or artery buildup, what was it?
Dr. Lin put Ivan on a bunch of meds, including a cholesterol medication and a heart spasm prevention med, and wanted to keep him in the hospital for observation overnight.
More running back and forth for me. Kids, hospital. Kids, hospital. Kids, hospital.
On Thursday, Dr. Lin came in and ordered another ekg. Apparently, the one they did that morning was not sufficient. Now, I dobn't think I can even describe in words the hilarity of the scene that followed. Dr. Lin literally yelled at the ekg tech, smacked her hand away from Ivan's chest, and proceeded to spend 25 minutes TEACHING her how to put the electrodes on correctly. I've never seen anything like it. And I'm pretty sure the ekg tech cried when she left the room. But, everything looked normal enough to release Ivan, so we checked out, with strict orders to go straight to Dr. Lin's office. Of course. We got medications. And medications. And orders. And medications. And Ivan was put on a 24-hour monitor. Meaning, he got more electrodes taped to his chest, which fed into a monitor he had to wear around his neck for 24 hours straight. The readings of which would be decifered by the doctor later.
I'll try to cut the rest short.
We had a little scare, popped some nitroglycerine, rested, drove the kids back and forth, scrambled for more babysitting, ended up sleeping at my dad's in Carson (to be closer to the hospital), then got the monitor off the next day. We're waiting for the specific results.
Ivan's now on 5 daily medications, with two more meds here for him as needed. I've been caring for the kids and him, we've switched our entire diet to low-fat, low-cholesterol, high fiber. Ivan's off work and resting till next week. So, for now, Dr. Lin believes that Ivan's problem stems from intermittent heart spasms, which he's likely had for a while, but ignored. It's incredibly lucky we caught it now. It could be alot worse. And his cholesterol levels could have been a precursor to an even more serious cardiac issue. But we're home now.
And we're all exhausted.
But we're so grateful that he's okay. And he's here. And we have each other.
I learned alot of things in this past week. Like how to keep a medical journal. And that stress can affect breastmilk. And that I don't ever want to face the possibility of not having Ivan with me. And that this family is the only thing that matters.
Believe it or not, that really is the short version.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The best part of my day.
So, this stay at home mom thing takes getting used to. Specifically, transitioning to the mindset of approaching home like a jobsite. Most of the time, I am still just content to play with the kids, take Ella to school, putz around on the computer, give Noah a nap and a meal, pick up Ella, and that's the entire day. Gone. Every once in a while, I'll get a burst of caffeine energy and do a couple loads of laundry or a load of dishes, pick a few toys and clothes up, but that's the extent of my housekeeping. And I see all these other stay at home moms who run websites, sew clothing, bake cakes, and I don't know how. I don't know how they do it. What's worse, I don't really get why they want to do it. But somehow, because I don't, can't, or don't want to, I am starting to feel pretty inadequate. In my head, I have time and energy to make crafts, make the beds, bake sweets, breastfeed, fold the laundry, and scrub the tub all while caring for my 7 month old and getting my five year old to school and back home. In reality, I'm lucky to get a load of laundry in the washing machine, where it sits for a day or two, and throw a microwave dinner in my mouth around lunchtime. I don't get it. Where do these other women find the hours???
And yet, amidst the chaos and day to day chores, there is inevitably a moment. One moment when nothing else exists, and I see something like this:
And, just for a second, I don't care about the dirty dishes in the sink, I don't feel the lego poking into the bottom of my foot, and I don't mind the smell of the trash that no one took out last night.
I just see him.
And yet, amidst the chaos and day to day chores, there is inevitably a moment. One moment when nothing else exists, and I see something like this:
And, just for a second, I don't care about the dirty dishes in the sink, I don't feel the lego poking into the bottom of my foot, and I don't mind the smell of the trash that no one took out last night.
I just see him.
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